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Writing this makes me think of the “The Freak Show” episode of Sex and The City. Carrie meets charming journalist, Ben and after a fruitless attempt to uncover his “freaky” side- decides to secretly pillage through his belongings the morning after their first sleepover. Upon his unexpected return, Ben finds Carrie standing on his bed, cigarette in hand, trying to crack open a questionable box (which in the end contained nothing more than Ben’s Cub Scout badge collection). She scares him off and Carrie never sees Ben again. Sound familiar? Maybe because 9 times out of 10, we’re faced with similar situations, where we have to decide… should we snoop? Sure it’s an invasion of privacy, sure it’s wrong, but don’t feel bad, it’s not just YOU. Gwen Stefani wrote a song about it after all, when she penned “Bathwater”… “But I still love to wash in your old bathwather, love to think that you couldn’t love another, I can’t help it…you’re my kind of man..” In my own affairs, I’ve pretty much snooped through ALL of my partners’ things, in which I’ve found subpoenas, porn collections, pictures of ex’s… typical, seemingly harmless stuff. ALL of my partners until my current. No clue what sets him apart. Maybe because I’m jaded to the point of ambivalence, maybe because I respect him the tiniest bit more than others (sorry), or maybe because I’m SCARED of what I might find. I’m gonna go with the last one. Two of my close girlfriends have found out about their partners’ “extra curricular activities” via snooping through their cell phones- I call that “phone lurking” and that’s a different story all together. So temptation inevitably reared its ugly head the other day, when a mysterious duffle bag got dropped off in my living room. I didn’t think much of it at first, I could already assume what was in there. After showing me a few prom pictures and a yearbook or two, my current zipped up the bag and nothing else was put on display. But like clockwork, my mind started to drift off: What’s in there? Love letters? A paternity suit of some sort? A severed head? The next day while alone, I stared at the bag for what seemed like an hour. I zipped and unzipped that bag until my neurosis forced me outside to smoke away its fabricated contents. I left it alone. I’m LEAVING it alone. It’s the right thing to do. If YOU decide to snoop on a lover, be cautious. Be mentally prepared to deal with whatever or WHOEVER you may find… a cheater, a deadbeat dad, a closeted gay perhaps? Most important, be aware of when they’ll come home, you don’t want to get caught like Carrie do you? Everyone has a PAST. Can you get over it? I did… I think.
11 Responses to “SNOOPING: Don’t do it… or DON’T GET CAUGHT”
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Great post!!!
I too was plagued with the snooping bug in my past, until the last ex when I found out about one too many things that ultimately was part of the reason why our relationship failed completely (it was doomed since the beginning any ways)…
until recently I’ve made a conscious decision of not snooping on the current beau… i want to trust him fully, take it temptation has been there but I haven’t given in, how are you suppose to trust someone completely without any doubt if you always have that thought in the back of your head of “what if”? if he doesn’t give me a reason of why not to trust him, why should I start? Ask and you’ll be given an answer, it might not be the answer that you want but I bet it’ll be the truth, question is, can you handle it?
That’s exactly it.. can you deal with it? I couldn’t so I DON’T.
I just don’t want a reason, that way I don’t have to ask. Simple as that.
ugh. UGH!
*breathes deeply*
*logs out*
Similiar story… We lived together share everything (or so I thought) then things started getting wierd so I new he wrote things down and once i went through his notebook. I knew i had to get my pretty manicured hands on his i-phone (which i got him) well sure enough he had some chick at our house which he cooked dinner while I was working. All and all I was glad I snooped and my findings made it easier to move on. But I had never done it before.
Yeah this is truth. The more you know, the crazier you go. Trust me…
Well said Cha. Don’t ask, don’t tell. I think if you have a gut feeling about a situation, the truth will surface no matter what.
Yea, I say don’t look if you can’t handle it. It never turns out good & I know from experience. Its so hard to trust even the ones you trust.
Excellent post!!
Lol @ severed head! I remember that SATC episode too. Classic case of taking out her past experiences on her current. True everyone has a past, but once you decide to share your lives together you have to focus on the present/future. If you don’t trust the person you’re with because they continually give you reasons not to trust them, you probably shouldn’t be with them. Without trust you have nothing. I am a believer in gut feeling though so it’s a toughie. There’s a difference between having a gut feeling and snooping out of curiosity.
Nice post
I have NEVER snooped. but had I HAD the balls to snoop I probably would’ve saved a year or so of my own time, in a piece of shit relationship. I’ll go with Summer and say if u don’t have a gut feeling dont do it, and if u HAVE a gut feeling ur probably right ne how….
that being said, I STILL won’t snoop. hella scared to find anything. what’s done in the dark WILL come to light. and really, I ain’t got time.
Well said la!